Disclaimers: Not mine. Hers. But a sick mind has to have fun...

Date: 5/7/2001

Summary: Harry needs a little help. Dumbledore gladly sends Lupin and Snape on the mission.

Warnings: Slash - this story has slash, folks. It borders between an "r" and an nc-17, so I'm giving it a NC-17 to be safe.

It was three weeks into the summer at Hogwarts. All of the students were gone and most of the professors were gone as well.

Remus Lupin stayed behind, as he felt safest when he stayed at Hogwarts. The moons were not kind to him. As a favor to Dumbledore, Snape stayed behind as well.

However, as the weeks progressed, Dumbledore was desperate to get rid of the two of them, if even for a day. Things had been getting progressively worse. The two men constantly bickered and shot each other menacing glances over their meals. They were forever competing over potions and hexes. They even seemed to compete for Dumbledore's affections as well - they were acting like children and they were driving Dumbledore nuts. Whenever they were within earshot, Dumbledore felt a headache, waiting to brew.

Meanwhile, back at the Dursley's Harry was miserable for his own reasons. Things were much worse this year. Dudley was getting older and his resentment was much more evident as he began to recognize his own shortcomings and Harry's special powers. Mr. Dursley was bolder than ever before. He knew Harry's limitations and the Ministry's regulations; and was not afraid to strike Harry when his temper got the best of him. When Harry sent an owl to Dumbledore asking if he could return to the castle for the remaining of the summer, Dumbledore became concerned. It was time to investigate.

"I don't see why the old coot has to send *us* out on these missions," growled Snape as he packed an overnight bag and paused to take a deep drink of a nearby tumbler of whiskey. Lupin sat on Snape's bed waiting for him to finish packing. He thumbed through an old potions book as he listened to Snape grouse over the latest assignment.

"I wouldn't call him that if I were you, Severus," advised Lupin looking up from the book with a smile, "Peeves will rat you out faster than you can say 'snitch'."

"Exactly what are we supposed to do, Remus," demanded Snape? "We are forbidden from using our powers against the muggles. We are forbidden from interfering with their precious everyday lives. We are not supposed to let Harry know that we are nearby. We cannot allow ourselves to be seen. Just what the hell is going on in that pointy little head of his?" Snape snarled as he pointed a long, bony finger straight up indicating Dumbledore's office at the top of the spiraling staircase.

"I believe you are being facetious, Severus," said Lupin cocking an eyebrow, "and I must say, if you continue to talk like this, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson."

"Please. Don't make me laugh," guffawed Snape. "Like you don't think he's a crack-pot as well."

Closing the book that he was reading, Lupin twisted to pick up a pillow. "I warned you," thundered Lupin as he hurled it at Snape hitting him upside of the head with it.

"Hey!" growled Snape.

Lupin stood and walked around the bed to face Snape. Snape was obviously irritated. Snape stood before Lupin, snarling and clutching the pillow with one hand, his knuckles white.

"Come on, Sev...this might be fun," Lupin said, speaking kindly, playfully tugging on Snape's sleeve.

"I doubt it," hissed Snape in return. "Every time I go anywhere with you, I always seem to regret it."

"Lighten up a little," urged Lupin. "It's either go with me to check on Harry or stick around here and watch Dumbledore's beard grow. You decide."

Snape looked down at has feet and gave a relinquishing sigh.

"Good," said Lupin. He turned his back to Snape to leave and gave Snape the perfect opportunity, which of course, he took. Snape hit him with the pillow hard, sending feathers flying everywhere.

Dumbledore was so glad to get rid of his troublesome duo he, personally, escorted the two professors to the Hogwarts Express station on the other side of the grounds. Wishing them Godspeed, and giving them each a pat on the back, they boarded the train...but not before a curious Dumbledore pulled a feather out of Snape's hair. Snape shot Dumbledore the familiar "don't ask" look and Dumbledore nodded and smiled allowing them to board, unquestioned.

Sitting across from each other in the small coach, Lupin tried twice to make conversation with a moody Snape and decided it wasn't worth the trouble. He decided, instead, to resume reading the book he had started earlier. Wiggling down into his chair and propping his feet up on the end of the bench that Snape sat on, Lupin pulled out the text and continued to read.

"Where did you get that?" growled Snape, pointing to the small, worn book.

"This would be the book I was looking at in your room, Severus," replied Lupin matter-of-factly.

"How dare you," barked Snape, the resentment boiling in his voice.

"Oh, for God's sake, Snape, must you always be such a miserable prick?" spat Lupin, slamming the book shut and tossing it at Snape.

"Read it," said Snape, tossing it back. "Just be sure to return it when you're done."

"I believe that was part of my original plan, PRICK," said Lupin, obviously irritated.

Snape figured he had pushed things a little too far this time and decided it was best to just shut up. So, they rode in silence for the next hour. Snape stared idly out of the window while Lupin read. Occasionally, Lupin would look up, stealing a glace, as Snape sulked.

Later, when Lupin's eyes began to get dry and tired, he softly shut the book and looked at Snape. Snape was asleep. Lupin quietly got up off of his bench and moved to sit beside Snape. He placed his mouth close to Snape's ear and whispered, "Sev?"

Snape jumped. "What?"

"I am sorry about the book, Severus," said Lupin almost impishly. "I should have asked first."

"Forget it," said Snape, the trademark growl softening.

Lupin reached up and touched Snape's hair, smoothing it.

"And I am sorry I called you a prick," added Lupin, a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

"You may call me whatever you wish, Remus," said Snape primly. "You have control over your own tongue, not I. Perhaps when you have something to say to me next time, you will show a little more maturity."

"My God!" shouted Lupin, staring at Snape with a horrified look on his face.

"What?" asked Snape, startled.

"You *are* a prick!" said Lupin. Lupin got up and returned to his own seat, opened the book, glared for a brief second at Snape, and went back to reading.

When the Express arrived at its destination, Snape and Lupin exited the train in a tense silence. A small wizard immediately directed them to the Knight Bus.

"I can't believe we have to ride this horrid thing to Privet Drive," said Snape as they boarded. Lupin said nothing.

A pimply-faced kid turned to them as they seated themselves and presented a toothless grin. "You have the whole Knight Bus to yourselves tonight, gentlemen! You might as well make yourselves comfortable. You look like you haven't slept in days. Go upstairs and find a bed!"

Snape wordlessly stood, picked up his bag, and went up the spiral staircase to the upper floor of the crazy bus. Sighing, Lupin followed him.

"This is my floor," growled Snape as Lupin's head came into sight on the second level. "Go downstairs and sleep with the driver."

Lupin decided to pass on the opportunity to be crude and joined Snape anyway on the upper level. Lupin threw his bag beside one of the cots. He sat on the cot, put his elbows on his knees, and rested his head in his hands.

Snape eyed him curiously before picking his own cot. Snape lay down on his cot and draped an arm over his eyes. Unable to stand the tension between them any longer, Snape stood up suddenly, walked over to the cot where Lupin sat and stood before him.

"Stand up," said Snape. His voice carried menace and an unspoken threat. It was sinister-sounding enough to make Lupin look up at him. "I said, stand up," Snape repeated.

Lupin stood.

"Get it off of your chest now, Professor," said Snape. Snape seemed to tower over Lupin as he spoke. "What the hell has been wrong with you lately?" Snape continued to stare at Lupin with his piercing black eyes.

"And don't you dare blame it on the moon," Snape seethed. "The phases get enough of your blame, Moony,"

Lupin looked back at Snape and blinked. He was quite taken back. Lupin stared into those dark eyes that flashed with anger. He opened his mouth to say something and thought better of it. Instead, he kissed Snape on the lips gently.

"What do you think you're doing, Remus?" asked Snape, growing wary.

"I believe I'm getting something off my chest," Lupin throatily replied.

Lupin reached behind Snape's head and grabbed him by the nape of the neck and pulled his face in close.

"No more insults," Lupin whispered, and he kissed Snape again. "No more threats" another kiss, "no more insinuations," another kiss, "no more battles or contests", and Lupin kissed him once again.

Lupin began to slowly unfasten the robe that Snape was wearing. Snape was speechless.

"No more of this macho shit, Severus," spoke Lupin breathlessly, "just let me touch you." Lupin slipped a hand inside of Snape's robes and brushed it lightly over Snape's chest. Snape gasped as he felt the warm hand caress him. Snape's eyes fluttered and closed.

"Just LET me, Severus," urged Lupin erotically.

Snape opened his mouth to argue, but the second or two he took to choose his words was too much time. Lupin pulled Snape's robes down and forcibly guided him to lie down on the nearby cot. Lupin sat beside him and bent down to whisper hotly, "I think it's time I showed you what you are capable of, Severus," said Lupin, his words searing in Snape's ear.

It was then that the bus came to a screeching and terrifying halt. The scratchy pre-adolescent voice shot up the stairs, "This is your stop, gentlemen, hope you've enjoyed your ride!"

Lupin looked at Snape apologetically. Snape's face was unreadable. Lupin stood up from the cot, picked up his bag, and headed down the stairs.

"Well, it's certainly been *enlightening*" grumbled Snape under his breath as he got up from his cot, re-fastened his robes, retrieved his bag, and exited the Knight Bus as well.

Severus and Lupin silently walked down the middle of Privet drive, past manicured lawns and concrete ornaments, past mailboxes and driveways.

"Which one is it, Severus, number four?" asked Lupin in a quiet tone.

"Yes," answered Snape, peering at the house numbers as they passed them.

"Here!" exclaimed Lupin, "This one! The one with the-"

Lupin stopped in his tracks. Snape stopped as well as they listened to the bellowing that came from within.

"...and don't you dare look at me like that, Boy! I've seen that look on your no-good-parents' faces plenty of times. You think you have the upper hand, do you? Well how about a third night without any dinner? What do you think of THAT!?".......SMACK!

There was dead silence and Lupin and Snape exchanged nervous glances.

"You weren't good enough for your...your...your *wizarding* friends, so they dumped you on my doorstep expecting me to raise you. Well, I can see I've failed miserably. You are NOTHING. NOTHING, POTTER!" bellowed Mr. Dursley.

Before Lupin knew what had happened, Snape dropped his bag leaving it in them middle of the street where Lupin stood. Snape stalked across the lawn. Lupin knew that walk. There was anger and menace in that long purposeful stride that Snape was using as he approached the house.

"Wait!" whispered Lupin frantically after Snape, "Get back here, you twit! Dumbledore doesn't want us near-"

But before Lupin could finish, Snape was pounding nosily on the door and bellowing, "Open up, Dursley!"

Inside, Harry paled. That *couldn't* be who he thought it was. Harry shot a look at Mr. Dursley and then a look at the door, as Snape pounded on the other side. Suddenly, and without warning, the door disintegrated into dust and smoke. Where the door stood, a wall of thick white smoke drifted eerily. Before the smoke had a chance to clear, Snape ominously stepped through it and into the house.

"What the devil?" thundered Dursley as he looked at Snape in disbelief, "What do you think you're doing? Get out of my house, NOW!"

Snape walked up to Dursley and stood in front of him facing him. He shot a glance at Harry and noticed the red slap mark on the side of his face. He leveled a hateful gaze at Mr. Dursley.

Under his breath, Snape whispered his low and threatening advice: "Do you see what I did to that door, Dursley?" Mr. Dursley nodded dumbly. "If you ever keep that child from a meal, touch that child, or speak unkindly to that child again, I will do to you what I did to that door. This is *abuse*, Dursley. Harry's *wizarding friends*, as you so eloquently put it, will not tolerate abuse from some over-grown bully."

On that note, Snape remained motionless staring daggers into Dursley's eyes before turning to leave. As he walked though the pile of dust that used to be the doorway, he turned to look at Harry. Snape managed a smile that was so barely there no one else would have seen it...but Harry did.

The ride back on the Knight Bus was in silence. As they disembarked the bus, Lupin looked at Snape, looked at the nearby sign that read, "The Leaky Cauldron" and then back at Snape. Nodding, Snape silently led the way into the bar where the two men ordered beers and sat at a table in the back corner of the room.

As Snape drank deeply from his stein of beer Lupin watched him in open-mouthed astonishment.

"What??" demanded Snape, getting a little tired of being stared at.

"I am completely amazed at you," said Lupin, sounding a bit dumb-founded.

"Liked the door trick, did you? With the smoke and all?" asked Snape, arching an eyebrow.

"I liked what you did for Harry," said Lupin simply.

Snape stared back at Lupin. His serious gaze slowly evolved into a grin, "I'll admit, I did enjoy it. If there's one thing I cannot stand is an abusive bully."

"I believe you broke every rule that Dumbledore laid out for us before we left," said Lupin, teasing. "It's not like you to break the rules, much less *all of the rules*, Bubbles."

"Don't call me that."

"What do you think Dumbledore will have to say about your behavior?" asked Lupin, pressing his leg against Snape's under the table.

Snape shot Lupin a sly grin. "It's my guess Dursley was lucky it wasn't Dumbledore that caught him striking Harry," mused Snape.

"Maybe that's why he sent us," said Lupin, thinking out loud.

"Perhaps," replied Snape quietly.

Once back on the Express, Lupin settled onto his bench and pulled the borrowed book out once again to continue reading. Snape stared at him for a few brief seconds before moving over to sit beside him.

Snape spoke in an animalistic growl when he breathed his words. His very tone was erotic and stirring: "I recall something about our earlier bus ride. Let me see...weren't you going to show me what I'm capable of, Remus?"

Lupin turned to look at him. "I think we both already know what you are capable of," Lupin replied.

Snape kissed him on the earlobe. "Tell me anyway. Just humor me, tell me what I'm capable of, Remus. Perhaps I need reminding."

Lupin put down his book and turned to face Snape. Taking his face in his hands, Lupin kissed him back, allowing Snape's tongue to slip inside. He pulled away and looked into Snape's eyes.

"Tell me," repeated Snape in a desperate whisper.

"You are capable of compassion," murmured Lupin as he kissed Snape just to the left of his mouth. "And understanding" he kissed just to the right "and patience" he kissed his chin "and power" he kissed his neck, pausing to bite him there. Snape stuttered an unintelligible response.

Lupin, once again, began to unfasten the robes that Severus wore. "You are capable of lust" said Lupin as he licked, "and passion" as he groped, "and torture" as he probed "and breathless, sweaty nights," as he stroked.

"You are capable of inspiring me," said Lupin, pausing to take Severus' manhood into his mouth, "and taunting me," more sucking, "and making me need you," spoke Lupin lustily. Lupin stroked Severus some more. He climbed up on top of him and bit on his nipples, and licked and bit his neck.

As Snape arched, eyes squeezed shut, Lupin stroked him faster and harder "...and you are capable of heat, Severus, and insanity, and hunger."

As Snape reached climax, he did his best to stifle a scream, and failed most miserably. Frantically gripping Lupin by the shoulders, Snape held on desperately while his body trembled.

Lupin leaned to whisper in Snape's ear, "Any questions?"

Unable to speak, Snape shook his head, "no".

As the Express screamed down the track, Snape returned the favor to Lupin. As Lupin tangled his fingers in Snape's hair, he begged for completion and Snape gladly gave it to him. By the time they exited the train at Hogwarts, they were both too exhausted to report to Dumbledore. They returned to their respective rooms and retired for the night.

The following morning, Dumbledore met them both at breakfast. He sat across from them at the long empty Head Table and regarded them with curiosity.

"I suppose you want to know how it went," asked Lupin warily, uncomfortable with the silence.

"No, not really," replied Dumbledore looking from man to man with a knowing glance.

Dumbledore laid a piece of parchment out before them.

"I received this note by owl post this morning," said Dumbledore. Both men looked down at it and back at Dumbledore. Smiling, Dumbledore pushed it towards Snape, got up, and left the table. As he walked away, he turned and said, "Enjoy your breakfast, gentlemen, and welcome back. Please try to be civil."

Looking down at the note, Snape read it and passed it to Lupin. The note read, "Dear Headmaster Dumbledore, I don't think I need to come stay at Hogwarts this summer. Things are much better now. Besides, in a couple of weeks I may go to the Ron's. Tell Professor Snape I said thanks. -Harry"

"Well, well, Sev, what do you have to say for yourself?" asked Lupin amused at Snape's obvious embarrassment.

"Nothing, and I'll thank you not to mention this again," retorted Snape.

"You may have made yourself into a bit of a hero last night, old boy," said Lupin, continuing to tease.

"Do I look like a hero?" said Snape, glowering.

"No," answered Lupin laughing.

"What about a library? Do I look like a library?" asked Snape with a growl.

"A what? No. No, you don't," stammered Lupin, confused.

"Then give me back my book today, Lupin," said Snape, pushing away from the table to leave.

"See! I knew it," shouted Lupin after him as he left, "You are a MISERABLE PRICK!"

Outside of the great hall, Dumbledore sighed and shook his head. Rubbing his temples, he braced himself for another headache.

-fin-