Posted 3/4/2001

Rating: R (implied mutual horniness)

Pairing: Lupin/Snape

Summary: Remus discovers something about himself that even he didn't know could be possible.

Distribution: List, post, etc., just send me a line first!

Feedback: Feedback would be good as I struggled with this one for a while.

The day had started badly for Severus Snape. He had ripped his robes on that damned gargoyle Peeves kept moving from the roof to the dungeon steps. Spills, broken cauldrons and clumsy students added to his annoyance. To add to his bad day, Dumbledore, after lunch, had beckoned Snape to his office at the top of the tower. Snape hated going up there, that room made him dizzy.

"I want you to take a trip...to Sussex." Dumbledore was pacing, but stopped, turned and faced Severus Snape, looking at him with that steady intelligence gaze. He paused significantly before continuing. "...and I want you to take the 'Express', Severus. All the way there. I don't want you apparating, we're trying to make a show a good faith. When you get there, I want you to pick up a book on dark spells and potions. It's yours to keep. But you must go get it yourself. Any questions?"

"None," replied Snape. No emotion there at all.

"Good!" said Dumbledore, clapping his hands together. "Good!"

"Bloody hell." Groused Snape as he sulked down the stairs leading to his lab. He already knew about the book. He had shared some potions with the Durmslang potion's master recently; a potion that later served to save a life. But why couldn't the stupid git just strap the book to a couple of owls and send it? The rare book was kept at the home of an old, crazy wizard that made all of the teachers at Hogwarts a little nervous. Rather than have the half-baked nutcake come to Hogwarts, Snape was going to him.

Snape slammed some clothing into an overnight bag; he'd be spending two nights on the train. One going out and one coming back. His only comforting thought he had was knowing he'd have a decent book to read on the way back.

The next morning Hagrid had delivered him to the platform just in time. Thankfully, the trip was without conversation. Snape could feel his mood pick up as the Express approached. He'd have a cabin to himself and two days to gather his thoughts.

Snape boarded the Express and settled into his cabin. The train was unusually crowded that day, Snape noticed. After his door was shut he unzipped his robes to the waist exposing a tank t-shirt. He sat wearily down in the velvet chair, stretched his legs out in front of him resting them on the opposite seat. He leaned back and closed his eyes, a faint smile on his lips. This was heaven.

"Excuse...excuse me." Snape's door had opened and a nervous old man peeked his head inside. The Ticketmaster. Oh, god, what now?

"I'm terribly s-sorry, sir . . ." stuttered the old man.

"Oh, for God's sake!" spoke a familiar voice, "Just let me past; I'll give the old grouch the good news."

Snape stared incredulously as Lupin squeezed by the old ticketmaster and moved into the cabin. He bent down, lifting Snape's feet off of the chair, droped them and sat down in the chair across from him grinning from ear to ear.

"What," growled Snape, "is the good news?"

"We're bunkmates, mate. They've double-ticketed all of the cabins again. Since the other three cabins have women in them, our good friend 'Grandpa Tickets' decided I'd behave myself better if I were with you!" Lupin leered.

Snape stared at this intruder, unable to speak. The ticketmaster quietly backed out of the cabin and shut the door before Snape could call him back and scurried away from the cabin as quickly as his feet could take him.

"Bloody Hell!" erupted Snape, "this whole week has gone straight down the-"

"Relax, Severus," interrupted Lupin. "You're only stuck with me for part of the trip, I promise."

Snape leaned back in the chair with a thump. Head resting against the back of his chair, eyes once again closed, he decided to just give up.

Lupin watched his cabin-mate thoughtfully. How could he have gotten so lucky? He watched his male friend as he deeply inhaled. He watched the slow rise of the muscular chest, a slight sheen of sweat under a tangle of chest hair. His eyes trailed down his chest, following the length of his body all the way to his loafers. Even the washed out leather shoes over white socks stirred Lupin.

"What are you doing?" Snape asked quietly, eyes still closed.

"Nothing," replied Lupin.

There was a moment of silence as Lupin continued to watch Snape rest, breath, and just watch him be Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts..

"Do you want to help me with this?" asked Lupin suddenly.

Snape peeked out from under one eye not knowing quite what to expect only to find Lupin indicating a wooden suitcase.

"Come on, sleepy," teased Lupin, "you're taller. Help me get this up."

"Sounds like a personal problem," grumbled Snape. But he slowly got to his feet and picked up the wooden suitcase, with its corners gilded in gold. Snape paused looking at it and then glanced a look at Lupin, who smiled. Snape had given the suitcase to Lupin as a gift two years ago. It had obviously been frequently used. Snape, inwardly, was touched.

With the suitcase stored in the upper compartment next to Snape's bag, Snape sat down again in his chair and stared thoughtfully at his friend.

"Just where do you want to go today, Lupin?" asked Snape.

"I beg your pardon?" asked Lupin, eyebrows arched, a stupid leer on his face.

"The train, you git. Why are you on the train?"

"Ah, the train." Lupin sat back down across from Snape smiling.

"Well??"

"I'm headed to Surrey to visit a sick friend. Then on to Gringotts to take care of some personal business. And you are...?" prompted Lupin

"Tired," replied Snape shortly.

Lupin watched with amusement as Snape closed his eyes once again and leaned his head back.

Lupin stood up and silently moved behind Snape's easy chair and leaned down so that his mouth was next to his ear. "Want a backrub, lover?"

"No!" spat Snape, jumping. That man moved like a snake. He never knew where he was.

"How 'bout a front rub?" whispered Lupin.

"Don't be crude!" hissed Snape.

Laughing Lupin stood up straightening and stretching as he did. He walked around so that he was facing Snape. Snape's eyes were still closed, hands folded in his lap.

Lupin's tone became serious. "I'm sorry. I just ...I'm sorry."

Lupin turned to leave the cabin and stopped as he reached for the door. "I'm going to the kitchenette for a butterbeer, can I get you one?"

"Thank you, no," answered Snape primly. Sighing, Lupin opened the cabin door and left.

Cursing, Snape opened his eyes and looked down at his betraying erection, hidden under folded hands. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked his member out loud.

Lupin took his time getting the butterbeers. He walked carefully back to the cabin as the Express swayed roughly; this part of the track was always the worse; especially during warmer weather. As Lupin approached the cabin door, the Express lurched to one side wildly sending Lupin hard into the opposite wall and spilling butterbeer everywhere; but it was the crash and thump from inside the cabin that alarmed Lupin more. He righted himself, pushing himself away from the wall and sat the half-empty steins down on the floor. He quickly slid open the cabin door only to find Snape in his chair, white as a ghost gripping his upper abdomen. The heavy wood suitcase lay on the floor beside him.

Lupin looked inquiringly at Snape before realizing that the suitcase had fallen from the upper berth; it must have hit Snape square in the chest.

Doing a double-take back to Snape, Lupin noticed the red stain spreading slowly under Snape's clenched hands.

"My God, man, what happened?" asked Lupin in alarm. He quickly slid the door shut behind him and ran to Snape kneeling down beside him gingerly touching Snape's trembling hands.

"The...the..." Snape tried to talk, but he could not. The wind had been knocked out of him.

Lupin coaxed Snape to relax and he slowly pulled Snape's hands away from his chest. Robes still open, it was obvious what had happened. The suitcase had fallen hard on Snape and the corner of it had ripped a nasty, deep gash right along the sternum.

"Good, God, Severus, hold still. Let me look."

Reluctantly, Snape lowered his hands while Lupin tentatively sneaked a peek gingerly lifting the shredded t-shirt to exposed damaged flesh.

Lupin started to directly touch the cut when Snape stopped him.

"Don't," cracked Snape's voice.

Lupin looked at Snape's still white face. Then something happened. It was the strangest feeling that Lupin had ever felt. Suddenly he felt this strong magnetic pull deep inside his own chest. Suddenly he knew what to do.

Lupin leaned down so that he was nose-to-nose with Snape bringing Snape to attention. Eyes making direct contact, Lupin spoke, "Trust me. Trust me, Severus. You must."

Snape reluctantly released his already weakening grip.

Lupin paused, took a deep breath, and placed both hands directly on the deep cut. Snape's winced in pain and Lupin almost pulled away afraid he would hurt his friend further.

But then, it happened. A slow, glow came from Lupin's hands. It was a golden warm glow. It was like warm honey, actually, and Lupin felt himself start to feel nauseous, as the glow seemed to pulsate. Then, the glow abruptly stopped, Snape gulped in a great lung full of air, startling Lupin. Lupin felt back on his butt, but quickly scrambled to be by Snape's side again. Except when Lupin reached to touch the injured Snape, the cut was gone. Totally horrified, Lupin asked outloud, "What the hell have I done?" He pressed an ear down to Snape's chest listening..

Snape was alive. In fact, he was fast asleep. Lupin sat there on the floor beside Snape's chair hugging his knees and rocking. Trying to get a handle on the moment. What had just happened here? Even the tear in the t-shirt was repaired. None of this made sense.

Lupin desperately tried to think back. He had provided first aid many of times. He remembered how he had bandaged Sirus's leg after an accident on that stupid bike of his. He remembered clearly how he had touched the deep scratches and even kissed away the blood. *This* had not happened *then*! He remembered scraped knees after Quidditch practice and a bar fight he had helped start and had helped finished. He had bandaged a young man's neck after that particular fight. There was no glow then. Did this mean Severus was his soul mate; his mate for life? Lupin was sure that Severus Snape would rather die than be that.

Lupin finally stood up, knees shaking, and put the suitcase on the floor in an out of the way niche. He dug out an oversized throw from the closet and carefully covered his sleeping friend. He bent down and kissed him on the lips very lightly and paused to stare at those beautiful lashes and that strong somber face. After another soft kiss, Lupin prepared his own bunk and crawled into it and willed himself to sleep. The Express had sped up now, but the movement over the rails was as smooth as silk with an intermittent rocking that lulled him to sleep within minutes.

When light filtered into the dusty windows at dawn, Lupin awoke to rustling paper. Cobwebs clearing, eyes coming into focus, Lupin stared in amazement at Snape. He was sitting up in the velvet chair, reading the Daily Prophet, drinking a steaming cup of coffee, chuckling over an apparently funny article.

"Severus," asked Lupin cautiously, "are you alright?"

"Of course I'm alright! What's with you?" Snape answered gruffly. "Go get yourself some breakfast and let me enjoy mine."

Lupin continued to stare. It was as if nothing had ever happened. Perhaps it had not-

"..and by the way," continued Snape in a threatening tone, "next time you decide to move my suitcase, tell me, will you? It took me more than 10 minutes to find that damned thing. I thought it had been stolen."

Snape shook out his paper and continued reading it.

Lupin stared in disbelief. Severus Snape did not remember a thing.

"Severus." Lupin spoke his name tenderly causing Snape to look up from his paper. Snape looked inquiringly at his friend.

"What is it, Remus?"

Lupin, still not knowing quite what to say walked over to Snape and knelt down beside the chair. Lupin reached out and touched his chest, fingers gently slipping inside along the opening in the robe, touching where the angry gash had been.

Lupin felt a tingle at the tips of his fingers. Snape must have felt it too, because he reached up to capture Lupin's hand holding it still there, against his chest.

"What are you doing to me, Lupin?" asked Snape holding that big strong hand tightly against him.

Lupin opened his mouth to speak, but the door slid open after a quick knock. The old Ticketmaster stuck his head inside. Feeling awkward about the intimate moment he had interrupted, the Ticketmaster finally spoke, "This is your stop, Sir Lupin."

Lupin stood up, still looking down into Severus Snape's eyes. "Perhaps, Severus," Lupin spoke softly, "I'll tell you about it later."

The story continues...it is three weeks later.

"What the *hell* have you done to me, Lupin?" bellowed Snape, as he burst into the professor's office.

Snape stood before Lupin with fists clenched, out of breath while a vein throbbed threatening on his forehead.

"Good GOD, Severus, you scared me half to death!" Lupin replied, irritated.

"What...have...you...done?" repeated Snape, getting more agitated by the second.

"What the devil are you talking about Sev?" replied Lupin, trying to calm his voice. "Please, just sit down and tell me."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a troubled first-year, you ass!" hissed Snape, the hate in his voice.

The two men glared at each other. Snape, who was still standing, seemed to loom over Lupin like a storm.

"Severus. Please sit. Please." Lupin spoke kindly, indicating the chair in front of the desk.

Snape seemed to be holding his breath as he stood there seething. He finally sat, letting his breath out slowly, trying to gather what little dignity he had left.

Lupin looked at his friend from across his desk, concern and curiosity peaking. Hands folded in front of him, Lupin waited for Snape to begin.

"I've been having dreams," spoke Snape quietly, as if afraid he would be overheard, "about our train trip together."

"What about it?" queried Lupin, not liking where this conversation was going.

"Don't laugh at me, Lupin. I swear if you do, I'll knock the-"

"I won't laugh, Sev. Please tell me."

"I have been dreaming," Snape quietly continued, "that I am hurt; or at least that I am bleeding. In my dream, when you touch me, the bleeding stops. In my dream I actually feel pain. But after you touch me, the pain stops."

There was a moment of pregnant silence as the two men looked at each other.

"Is that all?" asked Lupin.

"No, that isn't all! I dream this every night. And don't look at me like that!" growled Snape. "It isn't like *that*. It's got nothing to do with sex."

"Too bad for you," replied Lupin, amused.

"What did you do to me on that train, Lupin. Spill it! WHAT?" Snape spoke in a threatening manner now, leaning forward, fists on the desk, knuckles pressed white. Lupin knew that Snape didn't like to be manipulated, much less out of control.

Lupin sighed and leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling. Snape waited.

"Severus," Lupin began slowly, choosing his words carefully, "when we were on the train, you got hurt. A suitcase fell on you while I was out; when I returned to the cabin I found you. You were badly hurt...bleeding like mad from a gash on your chest."

Snape sat back in his chair in silent disbelief.

"I went to you and...I don't know why...but I knew that all I had to do was touch your wound. I did." Lupin hesitated not knowing how to present the rest of the story.

"I touched your wound and it just healed. Just like that. Then you passed out or fell asleep, I don't know which. The next morning, you didn't remember anything. I didn't tell you because I wanted to look into this myself; I wanted to know why I suddenly had this power...this...this..."

"Gift?" snarled Snape, finishing the sentence.

Lupin looked at the man sitting across from him. "Yes. Gift...perhaps. I don't know. Maybe it's a curse. In any case, I haven't learned anything about my new power, despite my hours in that damned library."

Lupin stopped long enough to study Snape's face and the finally asked, "Are you angry with me for not telling you?"

"Yes," growled Snape.

Snape stood and turned to leave. He got two steps from the door when Lupin rushed up behind him, stopping him, grabbing his arm and spinning him around.

Lupin gazed earnestly into Snape's eyes. "I was afraid to tell you, Severus. Afraid of what you might think."

Snape glared at Lupin as he continued to explain. "Sev, when this happened between us, it was the most intimate thing I have ever done. I felt like I had removed all of your pain; like I had given you life. Your *life*, Severus Snape.

"But the power scared me; I felt like I might be a..." Lupin could not continue. Tears seemed to threaten to brim over his dark eyes.

"...like you might be a dark wizard?" finished Snape, anger ebbing in his voice. Lupin nodded, amazed how this man, who differed from him so, always managed to finish his thoughts for him.

"Listen to me, Remus. You are not dark," Snape spoke forcibly now, placing both hands on Lupin's shoulders as he spoke. "You are not dark. You have more good in you, more *light* in you than anyone I know."

Snape, continued, his eyes searching Lupin's, "You do not cringe at my touch. You accept my fears, my guilt, my anger and resentment. You understand my dreams, my goals, and my insecurities. Why should you, of all people, be denied this beautiful power?"

Lupin looked down at the floor, shaking his head speechlessly, overwhelmed by these words. Snape leaned down, capturing Lupin's lips in a kiss. They stood there holding each other, their bodies pressed together, as if trying to weather a storm.

Lupin, fully erect now, began to give in to the passion he felt. He ground into Severus. Bringing large hands around his lithe body, Lupin grasped Snape's ass pulling Snape tight into him; against his body, bringing their throbbing members together roughly through the silken robes. The passionate kissing and fevered grinding continued until Snape pulled away gasping.

"Really, Remus," spoke Snape breathlessly, attempting to regain his composure, "must you always be so damned *intense?* Lupin smiled wickedly.

Squaring his shoulders, Snape stated, "What we need to do now, my dear Remus, is talk to Dumbledore."

"Now??"

"Now."

Lupin gave a surprised look at Snape. Lupin knew fully well what Snape thought of Dumbledore. Snape trusted Dumbledore with his very life. But Snape also thought of him as an absent-minded old wizard. It surprised Lupin that Snape would want advice from "that crazy old coot", but, then again, there was no one else who would understand this. No one else could be trusted to keep it quiet if this new "gift" were a bad thing, or a thing that would scare others. Lupin knew from personal experience that Dumbledore could be trusted with secrets.

In the upper tower, in the office at the top of the dizzying stairs, Lupin and Snape sat quietly while Dumbledore took in all that they had told him. Lupin had graciously told most of the story, starting at the beginning, on the train.

"And this has never happened to you before?" asked Dumbledore, eyes closed, head back.

Snape thought Dumbledore had fallen asleep and shot a sideways look at Lupin when the question was asked.

"No," replied Lupin.

"I was not asking you, Remus," said Dumbledore.

Dumbledore opened his eyes and put his full gaze on Severus Snape. "Well, Severus," asked the Head Master again, "has this ever happened to you before? Have you ever been healed with a simple touch?"

"No. Of course not," replied Snape, briskly.

"Maybe you don't know if you have been healed before," Dumbledore explained kindly. "Maybe another has touched you and healed you and you do not remember it."

Snape thought for a minute, but then shook his head. "I don't think so, Headmaster. And I'll tell you why. I've never had dreams about being healed. Not until recently. I've never dreamed that someone found me hurt and touched me, and took away my pain. Never."

"Until now," finished Dumbledore.

"Yes," aaid Snape quietly.

Dumbledore leaned back again in his chair, eyes closed. He sat there for almost ten minutes, while Snape and Lupin stole nervous glances at each other, wondering if the "old coot" and really fallen asleep this time.

Dumbledore finally spoke: "I've seen you two together..." pausing again to gather his thoughts, Dumbledore continued, eyes still closed, "...and your relationship baffles me.

"Severus, you always seemed barely tolerant of Lupin. Indignant, in fact. It is as if he offends you. As if you are better than he is.

"Remus, it seems to me that you are in a constant state of amusement over Snape's attitude; you seem to enjoy pushing his buttons. Both of you seem to be forever grappling over who will be in control over the moment and who will get the final laugh.

"However, there is something else here that I see." Dumbledore opened his eyes and looked at both of them directly. "I see an alliance; a fury; a living connection that seems to pulse between you, bonding you.

"I don't know what your relationship is outside of these classrooms and I don't want to know. But this newly found power belongs to *both of you*. It is there because of the tolerance, respect and compassion that you have for each other. If I were you, I would not question it."

Dumbledore abruptly stopped, closing his eyes once more, and this time it actually appeared that he was sleeping. Snape and Lupin sat there, staring at Dumbledore; both unprepared for the assessment just presented to them.

Lupin looked at Snape and jerked his head towards the door. They both got up and left, leaving Dumbledore in his crazy office at the top of the tower.

As the door closed behind them, Dumbledore said aloud to himself, "I envy you both."

Lupin and Snape walked wordlessly back to Lupin's office. Once inside Lupin turned to face Snape. Both were staring at each other trying to read each other's thoughts, trying to get a grip on what they had just heard.

Lupin chuckled. "Were linked, old man. How 'bout that? Connected with a pulsing ...thing."

"Oh, God, no..." stammered Snape, shaking his head in disbelief.

Lupin took Snape into his arms pulling him close and whispered laughing into his ear, "I guess this kind of makes you my brother, my soul mate, my mentor."

"*Tormentor* is more like it," growled Snape turning his head to bite a convenient ear lobe, licking to sooth it and then continuing to bite roughly on the exposed neck before him.

"Now who's being intense?" teased Lupin, gasping. Grasping for each other, they started up where they had left off before.

Fin.