Part: 4/8

Pairings: Severus/Lucius, Severus/Remus

Rating: (for the whole) NC-17

Warnings: (for the whole) Some non-connish stuff, some torture, mention of rape

Disclaimers: Not mine, JKR’s.

Notes: // denotes thoughts. I know some of the ages are wrong here (specifically, Sirius is 16 when he lures Severus in to see Remus’ little secret), but I wanted to mix things up a bit with ages, as opposed to having every single main character in the same year together at school. Also, please forgive me the excessive angst…teen melodrama is a hobby of mine. Feedback is very, very welcome.

Remus stared out the window fitfully, noting with growing impatience the slanting afternoon sun, so seldom seen in these fading days of fall. It was hard to believe October had already slipped by, melting seamlessly into November. If Sirius and James didn’t finish soon, it would be dark, and he wouldn’t get to soak in the unseasonable weather at all today; the gathering night guaranteed the return of biting cold. He had finished his work ten minutes ago, but his two friends still had their dark heads bowed over a star chart, and were mumbling to each other in that arcane tongue they seemed to have developed as childhood friends.

"When are you guys going to be finished?" he asked, painfully aware of the slight whine his voice held.

"In a bit," Sirius responded in an irritated tone, still engrossed in his Astronomy homework, but James actually looked up, studying his friend’s face.

"We might be awhile, Remus," he answered softly. "You don’t have to wait around for us." He answered the werewolf’s grateful grin with an answering twinkle in his eyes. "Impatient to enjoy the last bit of the sun before it goes undercover for the winter, huh?"

Remus nodded sheepishly. "You know me, Jamie. It’s supposed to rain again tomorrow…"

"Go on. I’m sure Sirius and I will be fine on our own." James turned his head back to his assignment, and so missed the small flush and startled look that Sirius shot him. Remus saw it clearly, however, and sighed as he slung his bag over his shoulder. Honestly, he told Sirius to say something three years ago…with Lily in the picture, it seemed rather too late for the older boy, now. Of course, Lily and James were a wonderful couple…but then James and Sirius would have been, too.

Remus shook off his unusual melancholy as he trotted down the library stairs and practically ran back to his room, where he dumped off his bag. It being a Saturday, he wasn’t wearing his school robes, but instead a pair of worn jeans and a loose, forest green sweater. He briefly contemplated grabbing a jacket, but it was unusually warm, and he rather enjoyed the feel of the cool breeze through the small holes in his sweater.

Exiting the building again, Remus turned his face to the brilliantly blue sky, and laughed. The sun warmed his face as the wind stung his ears, and he did a quick spin, arms held out joyously, like a much younger boy. No particular plans, no particular place to be, and no one to muck it all up with brainless chatter.

//Okay, that was uncharitable,// he thought to himself as he began to wander the grounds, circling back around the library. He was very grateful to his friends, and usually he quite enjoyed their company, but he felt the wolf in him shaking its great grey head impatiently, and on days like today he felt too wild to really appreciate their company. He just wanted to revel in his other senses, the crisp smell of autumn air, the delightful crackle of dry leaves underfoot, the feel of gooseflesh rising in prickling waves over his skin at the shiver of winter sneaking in a bit early.

His wayward feet took him towards the lake, but he saw a group of first years gathered by the shore and talking excitedly to one another. No doubt watching for the giant squid. Shaking his shaggy head, he headed back towards the greater block of buildings that was the main school, but taking a circuitous route, just skirting the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Approaching the school from the opposite direction brought him outside several dark buildings he rarely visited; the Astronomy Tower and the long, low greenhouses. Since he currently did not attend either Herbology or Astronomy classes, he’d only been here in his first two years, when both were mandatory. Though he’d heard some interesting rumors about the Astronomy Tower…

The sun’s grace was finally beginning to dim, deepening to a lovely gold-orange color as he rounded the corner of one of the greenhouses. It was by this almost mystical light that he encountered the oblivious object of his affections. Severus leaned against the dank stone of the tower casually, his head tipped back, eyes closed. Clasped loosely in his right hand, a hand-rolled cigarette. In his left, a merrily dancing blue flame. Remus supposed it must be some sort of heating spell, because Severus was not dressed for the weather.

Rather excitedly Remus realized he’d never actually seen Severus without his school robes on. And while yards of black fabric certainly suited him, this was ever so much better. The younger boy let his eyes greedily drink in the tall young man, ignorant of his observer. Remus started at Severus’ bare feet, slightly reddened by the cold of damp grass. Up to a pair of baggy black slacks that draped long legs and slender hips. Unconsciously the younger boy licked his upper lip as he took in the white sleeveless undershirt that fit far too snugly, revealing a narrow, but well-toned chest. Braces ran up either side of that slender expanse of white, red exclamations on what Remus was sure was a perfect body. Lean arms, also threaded with rangy muscle, hung loosely at his sides, though he was lifting one now, and the waning sun lit that olive skin with mellow gold highlights.

Nimble, exacting fingers brought the cigarette up to half parted lips, and Remus felt waves of lust wash over him as Severus placed that incredibly lucky piece of paper-rolled herbs to mouth, drew in a long breath, released sharply scented smoke into the twilight air. The tang of the tobacco mixed with something unfamiliar danced in his nostrils, marking this moment indelibly. Now, whenever he smelled that unique burn, he was going to get a raging hard-on. Shit. The younger boy drew in a shuddering breath, trying to calm himself, trying very hard to stop looking at his last wet-dream coming to life, staring at his shoes instead.

"Lupin? What are you doing over there?" Severus’ voice was curious, but not suspicious.

//Oh hell,// Remus thought, twitching his baggy sweater to hang lower over his thighs, thanking every deity in existence that his aunt thought he was three sizes larger than he actually was.

"Oh, um, hi, Sev. I was just going for a walk. To enjoy the last of the sun, you know." Remus felt quite proud of himself that he’d managed to keep his voice not only stutter-free, but uncracked as well. He brought his eyes up to meet those of his secretly admired, almost drowning as he got to add the sight of those intense obsidian orbs to the delectable picture Severus presented. //God, he can’t not know how good he looks!//

"Yeah. It’s still pretty cold, though. Want to come share my incendius?" The taller boy held up the flickering flame in his left hand, the corner of his mouth twitching in a half smile.

//Okay, now you turn him down so you don’t embarrass yourself utterly, right?// "Um, sure." //Wrong. Oh shit, oh shit.// Remus’ thoughts rambled wildly, but his feet kept him steady on the track up to the tower, where he tried to lean against the wall casually, hands held out in front of him towards the flame. The heat radiating from Severus’ left hand in waves was quite intense, but nothing compared to the fire singing through the younger boy’s nerves.

"That’s really…um, hot." //Brilliant, just brilliant. Any more witty banter to impress him with your acute mental prowess? Didn’t you used to be able to hold normal conversations with him? I mean, before you noticed today that he’s a walking, talking sex god, that is?// "How do you hold it?"

"You know," Severus drawled, taking another drag on his cigarette, "Your accent gets a lot thicker when you’re nervous."

"I…uh…it…what?" Severus just laughed as Remus back-pedaled, trying to catch the tail of the escaping conversation.

"Yeah, that rather endearing Welsh lilt just leaks right on through. It’s kind of cute."

"Cute?" //He thinks I’m cute? Is that good or bad? David Bowie is cute. But so are puppies. Oh, bloody hell.//

"Don’t worry about it, Lupin. I know why you’re here." Remus was getting rather tired of the way Severus never actually answered his questions, but then again, panic was another option as he considered the last statement.

"You do?" //He can’t possibly…oh, what if he does…?//

"Well, yeah. You’re here to meet somebody, right? From another House? That’s all anyone ever does at the Astronomy Tower on weekends, you know. Not too hard to figure out." Remus watched entranced, as smoke filtered in between Severus’ words. "So who’s the lucky girl?"

"Um…"

"Or boy, whichever."

"Um, actually, I was telling the truth. I really was just taking a walk." Remus couldn’t decide whether to be eternally grateful that Severus really hadn’t known, or to be somewhat disappointed that he still had to agonize about how to tell him. After getting him away from Malfoy.

"Really?" The darker boy looked down at him, surprise etched on his elegant features.

"Yeah, really. So what are you doing here?" Remus directed the conversation back to Severus with some relief.

"Nothing. Smoking." Severus forced a casual tone, but Remus had spent years watching other people’s reactions, watching them hide things.

"Really?" he echoed softly. There was a moment of silence.

"No, not really." He volunteered nothing else, but held out the cigarette to Remus, arching one heavy black brow in graceful question.

"I don’t smoke."

"Suit yourself." Severus took another drag, and then flicked the ash onto the cold ground. "Lupin?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever been in love?" Remus blinked, casting his eyes down, then back up. Had he been?

"Kinda. I guess. Well…" he sighed, running a hand through his shaggy hair. "I don’t know. I suppose you have to have a relationship to be in love. Otherwise it’s just infatuation, right?"

Severus barked out a harsh laugh, his dark eyes turned away. "A relationship. Yeah, those are good."

"Why do you ask?"

"Just passing time, I guess."

Remus bit his lower lip lightly, then emboldened by Severus’ obviously contemplative mood, asked, "Do you want to go somewhere to talk about it?"

Severus turned his dark head to look carefully at Remus, eyes unreadable in the fading sunlight. The younger boy was sure he was about to be turned down once again, when Severus spoke.

"Ever been to the top of the Astronomy Tower?"

"Um, no."

"Come on, then." Severus dropped the butt end of his fag on the ground, then placed a bare foot over it, grinding the burning ember to ashy darkness. Remus blinked down in shock.

"Shit! Doesn’t that hurt?"

"A little. You coming?" Severus looked over his shoulder at the shorter boy, a long line of black hair framing his sharp face. Remus felt like falling apart then and there.

"Yeah." Severus turned back to the open door, and led Remus into the dark interior of the tower. The blue flames of the incendius lit the stone almost eerily, and as the werewolf obediently padded up the stairs behind his companion, he felt a small prickle of anticipation mixed with a slightly more intense sense of foreboding settle into the back of his neck.

Several twists and turns and whole lot of stairs later, Severus opened a heavy oak door on to a truly magnificent room, putting out his incendius as he walked inside. Both the walls and the domed ceiling seemed to be made of enchanted glass, giving the illusion that the room was open to the sky. Telescopes of all sizes and shapes were placed at random intervals around the room, and several comfortable looking chairs were scattered here and there. The entire room was lit with crimson rays of the dying sun, the view to the west absolutely amazing. Remus found himself holding his breath as he stepped into the room.

"Pretty good, isn’t it?" Severus’ voice was low, intimate, and Remus abruptly tore his gaze from the splendid view.

"It’s…it’s gorgeous! Why isn’t there anyone up here?" I mean…" he trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. "It’s so romantic. I would think the people that come here for…uh, other stuff would like to use this room."

"Nah. It’s actually used legitimately pretty frequently, so there’s too much of a chance of getting walked in on." Severus waved his hand vaguely at the room, presumably indicating all the telescopes. "I doubt anyone’s going to be in here until full moonrise, though, so we probably have it to ourselves until then."

Remus’ heart beat louder at that thought, jumping into his throat excitedly. //Why would he mention that we’re alone for awhile? He can’t have the same idea I do, can he?// "Oh, okay then."

"So what did you want to talk about, Lupin?" Remus looked over at Severus in surprise…hadn’t the darker boy been the one to start the whole ‘in love’ exchange downstairs?

"I thought you wanted to talk. You sounded like you did, back there…" He watched as Severus walked over to one sleek glass wall, placing splayed fingers against it, back to Remus.

"I suppose I did, at that. I just asked because I’ve been having some…trouble…with my boyfriend. I guess I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it, and then you showed up." His voice held little inflection, his normal cool tones, but there was something else there, Remus was sure. "I guess it’s no secret I don’t have a lot of friends. You’re about the only person I feel like I could talk to about this."

Remus was torn between a rush of warmth at the trust Severus put in him, and a sickening lurch that he wanted to talk about Malfoy. //Is this how Sirius feels when James wants to talk about Lily?// "I’m here if you need me, Sev."

"I’ve always known that when you were really in love, it hurt. It burns, from your eyes down to the tips of your toes, a terrible, awful ache that only goes away when you’re around the person you love." Remus wished desperately that Severus would turn around, so he could see the face that went with that dead voice. It almost sounded as though he making a speech, one that had been rehearsed countless times in his head. But the taller boy kept talking, turned to the crimson sea of the western sky, black hair falling with the tilt of his head onto his left shoulder, leaving a length of smooth, muscular neck exposed.

"Love eats you up inside, it takes over your life, it sits around waiting until you’re thinking about something else-homework, family, a game, whatever-and then it jumps on you, sucks away any ability you had to think, concentrate. But it’s all worth it, you know, when you’re with the person you love. Everything goes away. You feel so full, just totally absorbed in that person and it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes," answered Remus in a breathless whisper. That was exactly what it was like…he found himself thinking of Severus at weird times, when he should have been studying or just hanging out with his friends. And it hurt sometimes, a bone-deep ache, when he knew he couldn’t be with him, that this wonderful, amazing person was with someone else.

"So you have been in love?"

"I…I guess so." Remus blinked at the realization. He was, he really truly was in love with Severus. Never mind that the other boy hadn’t the faintest idea, never mind that he’d only been really getting to know him for the past few months after years of ignoring him, never mind that this lovely, dark creature staring so intently out at the growing night was madly in love with someone else. There it was.

"So you know what I’m talking about. It’s beautiful, and it’s completely awful. But…but when the person you love starts losing interest, it becomes sheer torture." He laughed then, a humorless snort, and Remus saw his head fall forward. "Do you know what it’s like to be a piece of property? When the only real interest is shown when you have something he wants, or when he thinks someone else might be playing with his toys." Severus’ voice was twisted, bitter, filled with a sort of mocking self-loathing, and it shook Remus to the core. He’d never heard such hatred, and worse, such hatred directed inwardly.

"The worst bit of the whole bloody mess is that I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to make him love me again, I don’t know what I did to make him turn away. If there was something I could do, some sort of plan, I could stand it, I could stand the contemptuous looks and the-" he cut himself off abruptly, and Remus saw his head turn, as though he was looking at the younger boy. The last rays of sunlight made it impossible to see his face however, silhouetting his slim body.

"The what, Sev?" Remus asked gently.

"Nothing. Never mind. But do you understand what I mean?"

"I suppose I do. But…" Remus was at a loss for words. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do. More than anything he wanted to wrap himself around the taller boy, protect him from the world and anyone that might hurt him, soothe him with soft words of love and devotion. Tell him to forget Malfoy, who never appreciated what a glorious gift he had been given in the form of this sixteen-year-old boy. Abruptly he found himself taking a few halting steps towards Severus, and he could smell the faint salt tang of tears that weren’t his own.

"Lupin?" Severus’ voice was low, trembling, uncertain. He realized suddenly how close he’d come…he was an arm’s length away from the other boy, who’d turned at his approach. His face was still shrouded in shadow, but this close Remus could see the expression of utter misery mixed with an overwhelming confusion.

"I understand what you mean, Severus," Remus responded softly, letting his hand drift out almost dreamily, running a thumb along the darker boy’s cheek, wiping away a crystalline drop of pain. He put his thumb to his mouth absently, licking the tears away.

"What…what are you doing, Lupin?"

"I don’t know," Remus answered honestly. He felt awful for his friend, wanted to comfort him, give him calming words that would take this pain away. But all he could feel was the pull of black eyes and a slender body that seemed to burn with the opposite of light, a luminous darkness that swam against the first flickers of stars glimmering in the indigo skies.

With a sigh he closed the distance between them in one easy step, the thick nap of his sweater hem brushing against the smooth cloth of loose slacks. He raised a hand to run it along Severus’ jaw, cupping his cheek, then stretched on his tiptoes so their faces were within a breath of each other.

This close he could stare into those bottomless ebony eyes, drinking in the wounded, slightly frightened, very puzzled expression on the older boy’s face. But Severus’ didn’t pull away, staring back into hazel eyes like a deer caught in headlights. He blinked, a slow, dreamlike movement, and Remus watched in fascination as sooty lashes shuttered closed over those amazing eyes, resting for half a heartbeat against his cheekbones, then sliding liquidly up again. As though in a trance, he moved that half an inch closer to press his lips against Severus’ thin, elegant ones, his hand slipping under the spill of raven hair to rest lightly on the back of a graceful neck. He felt a slight hint of dampness at the hairline, like sweat, and the heavy weight of dark silk brushing his knuckles was electrifying.

He found himself pressing his body more firmly against Severus, molding to that long, lean form insistently, pushing him back against the curved glass of the window. The taller boy parted his lips in a gasp, and Remus took the opportunity quickly, slipping his tongue past lips and teeth to toy demandingly with the wet velvet of the older boy’s own tongue. At first Severus was limp, passive against him, then he felt long fingers brushing over his hips through the thick cloth of his sweater, gripping lightly, and the mouth under his began to move in response, lips opening wider to take in the younger boy, kissing back with a slow burn that made Remus’ stomach tighten in intense desire. He moaned, a low vibration at the back of his throat as the kiss deepened by agonizingly slow degrees, tongues twisting and tangling around each other languidly.

He could feel Severus’ shift his legs slightly as a muscular thigh pressed deliciously against the swollen bulge in his jeans. There were far too many layers of cloth between them, he was sure, and he ran one questing hand along the waistband of the darker boy’s slacks, untucking the thin cotton of his shirt and sliding his hand underneath to run over heated flesh and the ridges of muscle he found there. He was somewhat startled to feel something rough along Severus’ hip, like a scab of some sort. He was more startled as the Slytherin let out a hiss, and suddenly shoved him away forcefully, sending him stumbling backwards and almost to the ground.

He crouched there briefly, panting from the intense contact of only seconds ago. He could see that Severus was breathing heavily, too, his narrow chest rising and falling dramatically. "Severus?" he asked plaintively.

"Don’t touch me," the other boy hissed again, dangerously.

Remus tried to focus his mind, force himself to be able to speak coherently. Already his mind was trying to fly back to the feel of Severus against him, the lovely burn of that elegant mouth responding to him, not Malfoy. "I…I’m sorry, Sev. I just couldn’t help it…you looked so…so sad."

"So you decided to stick your tongue down my throat to cheer me up?" The older boy’s voice was sarcastic, harsh, but Remus couldn’t help but laugh. It was a pretty irrational thing to do, after all. Especially in the eyes of someone who didn’t know Remus had been pining after him for weeks now.

"Well, sort of. Um, I mean…it does sound sort of stupid when you put it that way." Remus shook his head, golden-brown hair falling into his eyes as he looked down at the floor briefly.

"Why did you do that, Lupin?" Remus looked up again, surprised at the total shock in the other boy’s voice. Was it really such a surprise that Remus Lupin had a crush on him? The taller boy seemed lost, unsure, and again Remus felt the urge to take him in his arms, protect him somehow.

"Well, for the usual reasons someone kisses someone else, I suppose. Because I like you. Because you’re incredibly gorgeous and sexy and perfect. Because you looked so hurt, and…and I wanted you to see that someone really does care about you. I mean, I think I’m in love with you, Sev." Remus flopped into one of the cushioned chairs, leaning back and pushing his hair out of his eyes, watching the still form of his friend who now had his head hung forward, jet hair a curtain hiding his face.

"Sev?" When the other boy didn’t answer, Remus leaned forward, intending to get up and go to him again, but suddenly Severus raised his eyes to him, and there was something there that made the younger boy lean back involuntarily. Something haunted and terrible.

"That’s a bad idea, Lupin." His voice was low, warning.

"Well, no shit. I mean, you’re already taken, aren’t you? By a total idiot who doesn’t appreciate you, but taken nonetheless." He tried to keep his voice light, tried to provide a counter to that frightening look in his friend’s eyes, but felt like he was failing miserably.

"That’s not what I mean. You don’t know me…I’m sick, Lupin. Really, really sick. If you knew what I’m capable of…I could hurt you. Badly."

This time Remus couldn’t keep the tremble out of his words. "I…I don’t think you’d hurt me, Sev. I trust you."

The laugh that answered this statement was terrifying. Bitter, dark, the antithesis of humor, it promised all sorts of perverse, painful things. A soft whisper floated through the air to Remus’ ears. "Oh, you shouldn’t, little boy. That’s the worst idea you’ve had yet." Somehow everything was made worse by the seductive lilt Severus’ voice had gained as he spoke to the gloom. "There’s so many things I can think of to do to you, little boy. So many pretty, pretty ways you could crack."

"Severus!" He couldn’t stand it anymore, he stood.

"What?" Almost a purr.

Remus took two steps forward, grabbing Severus’ wrists desperately. "Stop it! This isn’t you, and you aren’t going to frighten me off so easily." He tried not to reveal how those dark eyes scared him, eyes that seemed lost somewhere else, as if Severus had gone wandering while this nasty, threatening creature took over his body. But as his fingers pressed sharply against bony wrists, he saw his friend snap back to present, wrenching himself away, and placing his hands at the mussed hem of his shirt.

"You want to see something?" he asked, his voice now a hollow deadness. He didn’t wait for Remus’ response, instead shrugging out of his braces and pulling his shirt abruptly up to his neck. The younger boy stared in horror at the network of scars-most old and white, but some fresh and shiny pink-that crisscrossed Severus’ lean torso. Just peeking above the waistband of his pants he saw the angry red weals and scabs of a healing wound. It looked like the top of some sort of design, but he couldn’t tell as most of it was hidden beneath black cloth.

"This is what he does to me. This is how I learned how to love." He pulled his shirt back down slowly, leaving his braces hanging along the outside of his thighs loosely. "Forget about it, Lupin. You don’t want to become me. Trust me on this one."

"You wouldn’t-"

"You don’t know what I would do!" Severus was practically yelling now. "Go back to your friends! Go back to your safe, warm life and forget about me!"

Remus was cowed by the rage and bitterness in his friend’s words, but he still couldn’t back down. "I can’t, Sev."

"Then I’ll break you, Lupin. I’ll shatter you into a thousand pieces, and I don’t want to do that." Worse than anger was this exhausted defeat. Remus had no idea what to do, no experience to draw from to tell him how to deal with this.

"Severus, I-"

"Leave, Lupin."

"But, I-"

"Just leave, and pretend this never happened. Please."

Remus sighed softly. "Okay, I’ll leave. But I can’t forget this." He padded over to the door, glancing back once at the Severus, but realized, to his discomfort, that the dark boy had been swallowed up by the shadows of the growing night.